Today I woke up from a dream.

I dreamt I was 8, waiting for my mum to return home from work at 7pm. Occasionally she would bring bags of goodies home which would inevitably put a smile to my face. I would eat in front of the TV while waiting for her to return - my grandma's home cooked dinner - I can still taste the simple cai xin and steamed pomfret she used to cook, with fragrant rice steamed to perfection. So simple, yet so satisfying.

I remember the colour of the sky then. Dusky blue, with occasional streaks of dark clouds, tinged with spots of burning orange from the setting sun, which time to time was a sight to behold from my balcony.

In the monsoon season, there would be perpetually strong wind blowing 24/7 from my 20th storey flat. I loved to stand in the balcony just to enjoy the relentless, chilling breeze. I remember how much time I spent with this breeze, listening to the radio, burning the midnight oil for my exams. That was 10 years ago, but that feeling of serenity, is something etched so deeply in my mind I will never forget.

How can I rediscover this long lost feeling? How did I deteriorate thus far, into this life of guilt and regret?